It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
