You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
