I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
