she woke up with a sticky ear
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
