I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
