I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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