she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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