I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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