fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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