i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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