people are starting to question the shark bite story
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
