Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
