I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
