I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
