Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize