fuck your aforementioned shoe
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Your cock deserves a montage
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
