Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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