I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize