how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
