This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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