just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
