I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
