Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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