Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
