the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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