So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
