Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
