Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
