i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
