Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
