He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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