I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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