what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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