need another drink. this is the easiest way
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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