Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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