Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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