My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
