i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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