I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
