Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Girls should come with a carfax report
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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