i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
