he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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