Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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