how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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