I need to stop coming to work sober
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
