I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
