the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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