OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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