Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
