Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
