theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
