I am in a vortex of obligation.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
