I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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