Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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