youre lurking in front of me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
