i barfeds in our rink
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
