I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have surprise drugs for everyone
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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