i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
