I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wish my penis had a tongue
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize