Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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