I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
