We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
