need another drink. this is the easiest way
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
