all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
