Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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