My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
