I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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