hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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