Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
