I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
