Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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