just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
