OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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