dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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