Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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