You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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