TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
