i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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