...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
