I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize