shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
