I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
