My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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