You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
