I saw his package. It spoke to me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
