that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
