So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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