i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
