I could make wine with my vomit
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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