BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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