I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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