he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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