I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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