at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize