What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
please don't ironically join a cult
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