I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
