Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
