and you said cock pushups were impossible
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
