My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
