Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Everyone says I win the strip club
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
