Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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