There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
