i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
