I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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