Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
