I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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