I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
